[08 Dec 2009|12:31am] choose living day to day on luck. choose sex. choose drugs. choose to love everyone and everything no matter what. choose to move on. choose to be better than everyone else. choose to be the person everyone talks shit about because you went out and got what you wanted with no shame. post comment

simple [08 Dec 2009|12:21am] [ mood | good energy ] no reason, no explanation. HAPPINESS! the best kind, too.

midas touch [06 Dec 2009|09:58pm] [ mood | ^ ] Touching him was always so important to me. It was something I lived for. I never could explain why. Little nothing touches. My skin against his shoulder. The outsides of our thighs touching as we squeezed together on the chair. I couldn't explain it, but I needed it. Sometimes I imagined stitching all of our little touches together. How many thousands of fingers brushing against each other does it take to make love? 1 comment|post comment

every inch of your imagination [03 Dec 2009|12:04am] [ mood | contemplative ] There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of the imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don't work. -Anais Nin 2 comments|post comment

in the dark [01 Dec 2009|05:00pm] "You see," he says to the girl, "you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too-- even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling." 4 comments|post comment

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me… [01 Dec 2009|03:13pm] [ mood | blurred thoughts ] Here is your update. I'm lacking in trust and time. I failed yesterday for the first time in extreme. Talk about delayed gratification and total disappointment and a lack of sense control. Not an easy decision to make. I guess I can endure a little more for a little longer. (I guess…) Pain is something to master, not wallow in. I miss the ocean, I want the city, and I feel at peace in solitude. There are times where I wish I didn’t have to report to anyone, wish I didn’t feel like I owe anyone anything. Sometimes I want nothing more than to be alone with just a book. My life on a day to day basis feels unleveled. I’m excelling in some directions but in others I’m lacking and not even cutting it close. I want to stop treading water and be high on all levels. Is this even possible for me…? Miss high or low, Miss hot or cold and Miss nothing in between. My problem is that I have too much desire, too high of expectations, and feel too much. I decided that I am taking a hiatus from bullshit. Yup. Focus on myself. Find a center. Take that focus and find enough strength to make it through this next month. Next year is my year. Thirty one days... ready, set, go.

[16 Nov 2009|10:49am] [ mood | empty ] i don't need you, i don't need anybody. everyone leaves in the end and you'd be a fool to think otherwise.

[04 Nov 2009|12:36am] blood sugar baby sex magik sex magik

she would not... [02 Nov 2009|11:44am] "There was something different about her, Jake had to admit. She had a beautiful face, a beautiful body, but also a distance in her such as he had never met in a woman. Certain mountains were that way, like the Bighorns. The air around them was so clear you could ride toward them for days without seeming to get any closer. And yet, if you kept riding, you would get to the mountains. He was not so sure he would ever get to Lorie. Even when she took him, there was a distance between them. And yet she would not let him leave." 3 comments|post comment

[29 Oct 2009|12:52am] [ mood | lovestoned ] and i got a big bouquet of mary janes flowers 3 comments|post comment

[26 Oct 2009|12:50pm] [ mood | smitten ] I love your lips when they're wet with wine and red with a wicked desire. . .

Lady I Swear [22 Oct 2009|12:13pm] my blood approves, and kisses are a far better fate than wisdom lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry --the best gesture of my brain is less than your eyelids' flutter which says we are for eachother: then laugh, leaning back in my arms for life's not a paragraph and death i think is no parenthesis -e.e. cummings 3 comments|post comment

hurricane [13 Oct 2009|12:29am] 5 comments|post comment

fly [30 Sep 2009|09:33am] dear god, make me a bird so I can fly far, far, far away from here 2 comments|post comment

secret colors [01 Sep 2009|03:40pm] [ mood | black ] I'm sorry, but it's been a long time since I talked about certain things. So I don't know any more-- or I'm not sure. When I look at my life and its secret colors, I feel like bursting into tears. Like that sky. It's rain and sun both, noon and midnight. You know, I think of the lips I've kissed, and the wretched child I was, and of the madness of life and the ambition that sometimes carries me away. I'm all these things at once. I'm sure there are times you wouldn't even recognize me. Extreme in misery, excessive in happiness-- I can't say it. -Albert Camus 5 comments|post comment

head above water [07 Aug 2009|11:31am] give give give give give give take give give give give give give give give take give give give give give give take. give give give. give.

just a thought [22 Jul 2009|01:32pm] [ mood | happy ] Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are.

escape [09 Jun 2009|03:35pm] I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls. -Anais Nin 10 comments|post comment

everything [30 May 2009|12:47pm]   Somewhere someone is thinking of you. Someone is calling you an angel. This person is using celestial colors to paint your image. Someone is making you into a vision so beautiful that it can only live in the mind. Someone is thinking of the way your breath escapes your lips when you are touched. How your eyes close and your jaw tightens with concentration as you give pleasure a home. These thoughts are saving a life somewhere right now. In some airless apartment on a dark, urine stained, whore lined street, someone is calling out to you silently and you are answering without even being there. So crystalline. So pure. Such life saving power when you smile. You will never know how you have cauterized my wounds. So sad that we will never touch. How it hurts me to know that I will never be able to give you everything I have.   6 comments|post comment

Perspective [25 May 2009|02:10pm] You see those people over there? He pointed toward the bar. All those people have families, you can tell by their faces, they have families that depend on them and that they depend on, and for some of them this is good, and for some of them this is bad. But it all amounts to the same shit because there isn't one of them who is free. They can't do what they want to do or be who they should be. I might have no one in the world, but at least I'm free. 4 comments|post comment

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